The Quiet, New Boy
by THURSTY
Summary: A commoner boy in a tunic visits the Host Club, and things go a bit... haywire. [RATING GOING TO T BECAUSE CHAPTER 2 IS A MESS]
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: My friend and I have been thinking of this. I am making it a thing now.**

**I don't own Legend of Zelda OR Ouran High School Host Club.**

**SparklesparklesparklesparklesparklePAGEBREAKsparklesparklesparklesparklesparkle**

Ouran Academy is – as you know – a school for the rich and powerful. Therefore, the Host Club is full of rich – minus Haruhi – people, resulting in them having an absolute crap ton of expensive stuff. Let's think along the lines of the expensive stuff they own.

It wasn't hosting time, but the doors to Music Room 3 had been opened.

"Welcome," the hosts chorused. But what they saw at the door was... a boy! OBVIOUSLY a _poor boy_! Heck, he wasn't even in UNIFORM!

"Hm, an ACTUAL boy..." Tamaki said. "It's been forever since we served one!"

Tamaki approached the tunic clad boy, who seemed mesmerized by something in the room. But, that never stopped Tamaki from his usual monologue.

"So, sir, what's your type?" Tamaki began. "The strong, silent type? The boy-lolita type? The little devil type? The cool type? The natural type? Or me, the princely type?"

"...Hyahhh..." the boy nearly whimpered in a hushed voice.

Tamaki backed up a little bit. "Hm! Speechless from or beauty, no?" he flattered. "Anyways, what's your na-"

The blonde was cut off as the boy ran past him, smashing all of the vases in sight.

The twins were dumbstruck as they counted up how much it would all cost. "5 million... 14 million... 19 million... 27 million... oh my Kami-sama..."

"MOMMY! WHO IS THIS BOY!?" Tamaki cried.

"Link, a mysterious boy. The only traces of his family are his sister and grandmother. Nobody knows much about him, for he has a very... limited speech," Kyouya said.

After the rampage was done, dust flying around the room, every host called out:

"163 MILLION YEN! TO DEBT, WITH YOU!"


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: GUYS IT'S MIDNIGHT AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING THROUGH MY MIND AT THE MOMENT GOD DAMMIT MY GODDAMN SHREK PUN AH FUCK AH FUCK AH FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK I'M GONNA GET BANNED OR SOMETHING OHH GOD THE RATING'S GOING UP TO T.**

**Do not recommend to the weak-hearted.**

**The only reviews this chapter will get are gonna be hate.**

**Please don't I cri evertiem.**

**All the OOC.**

**It gets normal later on in this chapter.**

**Still do not own Ouran High School Host Club or The Legend of Zelda…**

While Link was doing who-knows-what and with the twins and Tamaki trying to stop him by using who-knows-what technique, Haruhi calmly approached Kyouya. The closer she got to him, the more she noticed the absolute rage in his eyes. She took a few steps back so she wouldn't end up in his hell-pit.

"Uh, K-Kyouya-senpai…?" Haruhi asked, her voice shaking from how terrifying Kyouya was, and her calmness kinda just giving a giant "FUCK YOU" and jumping out a window.

Kyouya sighed and looked down at Haruhi. "What?" he asked, more-than-slightly irritated, as he had basically just witnessed his money being taken away by no other than Shrek himself and shoving it up his shrektum.

What a metaphor.

"W-well… his debt… is he gonna have to pay it off like I did?"

"Well, it seems that at the moment, that's our only choice. I highly doubt he'd ever get one hundred clients in his lifetime, that wasteful prick. What would his type even be? The Douche-Bag type? The Poor type? The Asdfghjkl type?"

"Uh, Kyouya-senpai, I think you need to calm down…"

A purple aura surrounded Kyouya as the fire in his eyes grew stronger. "I'll have you know that there is a special spot in Hell reserved for me…" His voice dropped to a growl. "THE THRONE."

Haruhi fucking ran from Satan to seek protection from Honey-senpai and Mori-senpai, ahem, the only functional people available at the moment.

After what seems like way too long, Hikaru and Kaoru managed to trap Link in possibly the most painful twin sandwich ever as Tamaki handcuffed, blindfolded, and gagged him.

"Wow, boss, you REALLY must be into that sort of stuff!" the twins said in unison. Haruhi was probably too far away and too busy shitting her pants to pay attention to anything else. Or anything in general.

"As if you guys aren't?" Tamaki retorted, sounding somewhat proud for some godforsaken reason. "Like DAMN, you two are gay as hell!"

"CAN WE PLEASE NOT USE THE WORD 'HELL'!?" Haruhi screamed.

"Whatever!" Tamaki said. "Anyways, you broke… way too many vases. What made you do that!? Was your family murdered by the vase mafia!?" Tamaki stood there for a good minute before he realized; "Oh, you can't respond." He took off Link's gag, and the blindfold because why not. "Anyways, we are going to punish you by making you our bitch!"

"No, boss," the twins once again said at the same time like they always do because they're motherfucking sorcerers. "You do realize-" Hikaru began, Kaoru continuing the thought with, "-how many times that joke has been made, right?"

Tamaki shrugged. "It's not like it matters, because the truth is the truth!" He turned his attention back to their little HOSTage. Teehee, puns. "You will have to get one hundred clients today! We'll add another punishment: If you don't, then you MUST pay us straight away, the however-many-million yen IN CASH! You, Link… hmm… you will be the 'Wild type'!"

"Heyyy~, I thought that was Takashi's type!" Honey complained.

"Well, too bad, Honey-senpai! This is the English dub, where Mori-senpai is the 'Strong, Silent type'! Get over it!"

"I will accept," an unfamiliar voice said. It was traced back to… Link!

"HE CAN TALK!?" the twins exclaimed. "DAMN, FOR A SECOND, WE WEREN'T EVEN SURE IF HE WAS ALIVE!"

"I can talk. If I were mute, I wouldn't be able to make my _sensual grunting noises every time I swing my sword_."

Mori covered up Honey's ears.

Kyouya walked toward the commotion, apparently no longer the devil himself, and allowed what was happening to happen.

"Alright everyone, let's have the rest of today and every other day be normal. No Shrek puns as said by… someone, no Satan, no shitting your pants – like, damn Haruhi, that's unprofessional, no hostage puns, no hostages, and just a little bit of gay references. Got that, everybody?" Kyouya explained.

"YES!" everyone else said in response.

"Good. Link, I will guide you to your hosting table…"

-THIS IS WHERE THINGS GET NORMAL-

After having Kyouya show him where his designated area was (And everything else needed to hide any sense of the previous weirdness – Haruhi changed her pants, and Link got a uniform), Link watched the others as the ladies started to walk in the room.

"Who's that guy over there?" One of Haruhi's guests asked, pointing at Link.

"Him? His name is Link. He's a new host, but probably won't last long," Haruhi answered.

At this point, majority of the fangirls were asking about the mysterious new kid. As many questions were being asked, each host tried to distract the girls by doing different things. Tamaki unbuttoned a few buttons on his shirt, but to no avail. Honey laid his head down on Mori's lap, but the girls didn't notice. Haruhi made herself cry as she told stories of her late mother, but that did nothing. Kyouya advertised and advertised many R18+ doujinshi's put together by Renge, but the ladies paid no mind to it. Hell, the twins KISSED, and only one fangirl bothered to notice. She made no big deal about it, though. They were all too focused on Link, the attractive, new guy.

A few ladies even left their spots to go make future appointments to see this guy and what he can do.

_I don't have much talent… nor do I have a troubling backstory that doesn't seem recycled… nor do I have a significant other… what do I do!?_

**A/N: There's chapter two, after a LONG time! I sincerely apologize for the beginning of the chapter. I change quite a bit from 12:00 A.M. to 12:01 A.M.**

**Kbai.**


End file.
